Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
