you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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