are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
