my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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