So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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