either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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