He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
