; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
