I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
