when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
