i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
