Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
