you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
