it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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