i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
