I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
