let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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