I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
