Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
