New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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