I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
