At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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