Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize
