The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
