My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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