I feel great
I just peed on a car
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
