did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
