dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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