soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
