"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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