i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
