Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
