My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pants are for mortals
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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