I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
