I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
