I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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