I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
