the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
