When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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