I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've blown a few things in my day
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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