I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
