her vagine was all disorganized.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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