i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
