At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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