I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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