Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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