woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
