Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
