every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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