And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
