well I can't set my house on fire every night
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
