Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There r osticjed everywhere
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The power of my boobs compel you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
