So drunk its hurt
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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