I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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