Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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