Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
