I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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