If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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