i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
