She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
