You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
