What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
