So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
