We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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