I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
