btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
try to milk me bitch
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