you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
