She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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