dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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