I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
