did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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