My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
