If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize