9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
