Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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