how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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