i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
