everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
