This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My penis needs a shock collar
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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