so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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