This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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