I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
