i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
