are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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