so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
