It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
